A devastating turn of events left a 45-year-old nurse, whom we'll call "MFLFA," reeling. After building a life, earning a bachelor's degree in nursing, and marrying "Jeremy," MFLFA welcomed twins. But soon after, Jeremy left, leaving MFLFA as the sole financial provider for their children.
The Financial Fallout
MFLFA and Jeremy had purchased a house together, using his VA loan, with an interest rate of around 3.8%. In the divorce agreement, MFLFA was granted the house but faced a hefty penalty if they ever sold it. For a year and a half, MFLFA paid Jeremy $1,000 a month, a burden on their post-tax income of $6,000 per month, which also covered a $2,100 mortgage and $1,000 in bills.
Before Jeremy's departure, MFLFA had excellent credit and no significant debt other than student loans. However, the financial strain led MFLFA to accumulate $20,000 in debt, opening credit cards to make ends meet. With health issues further impacting their income, MFLFA's financial situation became dire.
The Amicable Trap
MFLFA's desire to maintain an amicable relationship with Jeremy, shaped by their upbringing, prevented them from seeking child support. They felt they had "bought" their children's care by paying Jeremy, but this decision left them in a deep financial hole.
A Call to Action
Here's where it gets controversial: MFLFA's situation is not about falling apart; it's about being taken advantage of. Calling this "amicable" is a misnomer; it's more akin to being a doormat. And the fear of asking for child support suggests there are deeper issues at play.
The first step is to consult a divorce attorney, many of whom offer payment plans. Legal aid organizations and local bar associations can provide free or low-cost legal assistance. MFLFA's children are legally entitled to financial support from their father, even if he's on disability. Disability income can be garnished for child support.
MFLFA's fear of "blowing everything up" by seeking support is concerning. Are they afraid of Jeremy? If so, this is not co-parenting; it's ongoing control and intimidation. Documenting Jeremy's lack of contribution, any threatening behavior, and his unemployment history is crucial.
Health issues have also impacted MFLFA's income. Applying for short-term or long-term disability benefits through their employer or the Social Security Administration is essential. As a nurse, they may have disability insurance through their workplace, which they should activate immediately.
Regarding student loans, MFLFA should contact their loan servicer about economic hardship deferment or forbearance. This pause in payments won't damage their progress toward PSLF.
MFLFA should also reach out to their support system: family, friends, and even their house of worship, which may offer benevolence funds or support groups for single parents. Their hospital or healthcare system might provide employee assistance programs with financial counseling and mental health support. United Way's 211 helpline can connect MFLFA with local resources for food, utility assistance, and childcare.
Once child support is secured and other resources are tapped, MFLFA can tackle their $20,000 debt using the avalanche or snowball method.
While MFLFA's financial life faces challenges, they can rebuild. But they must stop protecting someone who won't protect their own children. Focus on health and the children, who are watching. Show them that standing up for oneself and one's family is the essence of strength.
